Woah! You're old!
by Yorozuya Gin-san
Summary: A bunch of birthday ficlets bunch together to avoid spamming fanfiction. Three: Kirihara's Magical time at Tezuka's. This chapter's written by mah Sister. 8D Warning: May contain CRACK.
1. One: Shishido and Kirihara

Hey guys. Seems that I missed Kirihara's birthday. I'm sorry; I just didn't have enough time to write now.

So, I decided to do this. Have a chapter story of every birthday I can remember. So, this chaptered story might never ever end! Isn't that great?

If I _do_ miss a week from the birthday I alerted you last, I'll…write you a free one-shot. Of course, there _are_ times when I don't update for a long time. Sorry, you can say I'm on semi-hiatus.

Oh yes…the title is supposed to be misspelled. D

* * *

**One: Shishido and Kirihara's birthday SPECK-TAKULER**

* * *

"Hey Niou, don't you find today a bit…weird?" Asked a suspicious Marui one day at practice.

"What weird? That you didn't come to school with a bag of snacks? Yes." The silver haired boy replied, looking nonchalantly at their second year ace as he nearly destroyed a newbie.

Marui rolled his eyes, clearing showing annoyance. "Oh thanks, thanks a lot."

"I aim to please."

"Oh, do you? Then buy me a bag of chips. That'll please me."

Niou didn't bother answering. Instead, he walked off towards Yagyuu for their practice doubles match against a couple of third years.

Marui sighed in defeat. Oh when will he get that new candy flavored chips he so hoped for? Perhaps buying him some milk flavored ramen as well? He already tried the curry one!! (And yes, readers, milk flavored ramen _does_ exist. Even the curry one is real. Don't believe me? Check out YouTube and find the commercials.)

"Hey Marui," Jackal sat down on a nearby bench after his run, "don't you think today seems a bit…I don't know…off?"

"You noticed it too, eh Jackie?" The red head chewed on his jacket sleeve due to his intense craving for some milk flavored ramen. Damn! Why didn't he buy some with his small allowance last week?

Ignoring the fact that his doubles partner called him by the strange nickname of 'Jackie', Jackal scratched his chin and noticed something else strange. "Speaking of off, have you seen fukubuchou anywhere today?"

Marui shook his head. "Don't jinx it, Jackie! It's good he's not here!!"

"Bunta! Don't say such things about Genichirou!!" Yukimura scolded in a motherly fashion. "Now why don't you go run some laps?"

"Yes, sir." With that said, the red head dashed off, hoping to not get his dear captain angry. Remember kids, an angry Yukimura is an unhappy life for you!!

"Buchou, may I please ask where fukubuchou is? I'm kind of worried."

"Oh Jackal…you're so kind." Yukimura said with a smile. "He's over at Hyoutei today."

"E-eh? Why Hyoutei? Did something happen?"

"Oh no. It appears that Genichirou is helping out with a party of some sort." Yukimura answered thoughtfully (or at least, he seemed like he was thinking). He smiled. "Don't worry about it. If Genichirou dies, we'll just have Renji take over!!"

Jackal sweat dropped and fell over. "B-buchou, isn't that a bit much?"

"Oh? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing, sir." Jackal answered with a big sigh. "I'll be off then. Marui probably needs me to practice soon."

"GAHH!! KIRIHARA!! DON'T HIT ME WITH A TENNIS BALL, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!"

"SORRY MARUI-SEMPAI!!"

* * *

"No…over to the left."

"Hn." Sanada moved the object left.

"No, that's too left."

With that said, the capped boy moved the object to the right.

"No, move it a bit down. It's too high. Ore-sama's neck would break from such a height."

Sanada moved the object a bit lower. "Are you just about done?" He merely questioned.

"Yes. That is much better." Atobe answered, nodding in his brilliance. He let his sparkles fly as he did a magical hair flip.

"Why is _he_ here?" Groaned Gakuto, pointing to Sanada.

"He is the decorator. Kabaji can't do everything by himself, Mukahi." The Hyoutei diva replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Naa, Kabaji?"

"Usu." The large second year nodded in reply as he set up more decorations.

"Why does this place look so childish?" The red head complained again. "Looks like a five-year-old's party!!"

"Would you stop complaining, Gakuto?" Oshitari sighed as he _oh-so_ helpfully helped by standing there and doing nothing.

"B-But YUUUUSHIIIIII!!"

"Shut your mouth for now, Mukahi." Atobe ordered. "Or Ore-sama will have to make you run laps. No, Genichirou, move that banner higher. It is not equal now!"

Sanada sighed. Why was he alive?

"SUGEEEEE!! THIS PLACE IS SO COOL!! OMG!!" Screamed the now cherry-punch high Jiroh, jumping up and down like…well, a kid high on cherry punch!!

"Dude, chill with the chat speak. Apparently readers don't like it when people randomly scream chat-speak like that! It'll make us sound like n00bs!!" Gakuto scolded like a mother.

"Isn't n00b a chat word?" Hyoutei's tensai pondered to himself.

"SORRY!! I'LL BE GOOD!!" The blond (yes, I refer to Jiroh as blond) practically hollered loud enough for the building to rumble.

"Oshitari, take Jiroh for a walk." Atobe sighed. He was getting a headache.

"Hurry up guys!!" Ootori sudden barged into the room as politely as he could (because he's Ootori!!). "Hiyoshi-san says he can't keep up with the stalling!!"

"Okay, why did Hiyoshi stall Shishido?" Gakuto asked, crossing his arms as if to look…uh….tougher.

Choutaro shrugged. "It seemed to make sense at that time."

"…"

Atobe coughed. "Alright, everything is already set up. Sanada, go take the limo back to Rikkai and get your second year ace."

Sanada let out a big sigh again. "I shall." With that said, the old man—err…fukubuchou of Rikkaidai exited the room via the backdoor.

"Okay Hiyoshi, what the hell are you hiding?" Came Shishido's annoyed voice from behind the big doors.

"Oh sempai, there's so much I'm hiding from Hyoutei. I just cannot tell you in this little time." Hiyoshi answered in a very miniscule voice.

"I can't hear you, stupid. Talk louder."

The second year sighed. "My voice can only go so loud, sir."

"…_What?_" The capped boy strained to hear his kouhai speak. Heck, the only word he heard was 'my'!!

Choutaro cleared his throat lightly and opened the door. "Sempai!! Happy birthday!!"

"Oh, thanks Choutaro. You already said that forty times today though."

Hiyoshi sighed and silently, like a ninja, stalked away. Of course, being the unnoticeable character he is, no one noticed him. Like how no one noticed Taki screaming his eternal love for (insert object here). Weird, huh?

* * *

"NOOO!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR!!" Shrieked Kirihara as Marui tried to push him into the limo.

"Akaya, you dumb-bolt!! We're going to Hyoutei, not the doctor!!" Marui yelled, trying to keep his cool. (He's trying, but not succeeding.)

"Puri. Marui'll treat you to your favorite food later." Whispered the petenshi to the second year ace. "He said to keep it a secret, but he'll spend all his allowance on you."

Kirihara's devilish eyes immediately lighted up. "Oh? That makes it different." Now walking proudly towards the limo, Marui stared in amazement at the silver haired third year.

"What did you tell him?" Glared the red head suspiciously.

"Nothing, my dear red head. Nothing." Smirked the boy.

Somehow, Marui doubted that. He found out very much later when he found his wallet as empty as…well…his wallet.

* * *

"Aww…you guys set up a party…for me?" Kirihara exclaimed as happily as a four-year-old—err…fourteen-year-old could. "I…I'm so happy!!"

"Congrats on your late birthday, Akaya." Yukimura smiled. "Would you like some cake?"

"Yes sir!!" Marui and Kirihara both yelled at the same time.

"Hey!! That's my cake!!" Sadly, no one heard Shishido complain. "Damn Rikkaidai! Why are _they_ here?"

"Because I owe Genichirou a favor for the decorations." Atobe answered, looking at his clipboard as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Hn." Sanada pulled down his cap a bit to hide more of his face.

"MARUI-KUUUUUUUUNNNN!! OMG, ILU." Yelled the still cherry-punch high Jiroh. He tackled Marui to the ground, and you can practically see the little hearts floating in the air from his uh…obsessive love.

"DUDE! STOP SCREAMING OUT CHATSPEAK!! OMG, YOU'RE SO DUMB!!" The hypocrite also known as _Gakuto_, yelled out.

"I get your slice of cake!!" Kirihara cheered, eating Marui's slice _whole_. "MMMMM. DELISH'."

"NOOOOO!!" Sobbed the red head. "MY CAKEY-POO!!"

"…I won't ask." Yagyuu pushed his glasses up. (Hey!! He spoke less than Jackal this time! Woot!!)

"There is a 96.98 percent chance that this immature scene shall end. Hence that this immature brainless author shall cease writing…" Renji calculated. Oh, ho, ho!! Did he just break the fourth wall? NOWAI!!

"There is also a 79.732 percent chance that the author shall continue with chat-speak…" Murmured the data master, opening his eyes just a crack.

"Puri." Niou whistled innocently to himself. Who knows what he did!!

Thus, the day ended. Just like how Yanagi said it would. Strange, isn't it?

* * *

Lame ending, yes, I know. You probably expected total crack? Well, I apologize. I have to spend it on my school writing assignment. I'm still very sorry I didn't update any of my stories yet. I'm really, really sorry. Really, I am.

Yes…milk flavor ramen exists. I read it in the Chinese newspaper that it was in Japan. I want some.

First reviewer gets to stab me, KTHX.

**The next one-shot I will write: October 4th, Atobe Keigo.**


	2. Two: Atobe

Hey everyone! Happy 4th of October from Lake Tahoe, Navada!!

Today is also my adorable little hamster's birthday!! He's five this year (may your poor little soul rest in peace with your mother, kiddo)! So, like every year, I'll write something about hamsters in this story just to demean Atobe. :D

* * *

**Happy Birthday little Hamie-poo!!**

* * *

Atobe coughed impatiently. Where was everyone? Did they NOT get the memo that today was HIS fabulous birthday?

That or they skipped out.

…Damn them.

"Ore-sama is _not_ pleased." Hyoutei's diva flipped his fabulous hair, letting sparkles emit from the sheen.

Where was Hyoutei? Let's go find out…

"Stupid Gakuto! Who the hell would name their hamster by Hamie-poo?!" Shishido growled, scaring the poor little hamster.

"Shut your trap, Shishido! For your information, my sister named him!" Gakuto retorted, making the hamster shrink more. "You're scaring him!!"

"SUGEEEEEEE!! A HAMSTER!! IS HE FROM HAMTARO?" Jiroh shrieked, scaring the life out of the poor little dwarf hamster.

"Guys, guys! You're scaring um…Hamie-poo…" Choutaro scratched his cheek awkwardly. Inside, he too was wondering why Gakuto's sister decided to name a hamster by such a ridiculous name.

"NO! SHISHIDO IS!" Yelled the red head, causing the hamster to just fall over and die. Yes. Die.

"OMGYOUKILLEDHAMIE-POO." Jiroh screamed. "HE LIVED SUCH A SHORT LIFE!!" With that said, the blond started to sob uncontrollably.

"NOOOO!!" Gakuto screamed as well. "SHISHIDO…YOU…YOU'RE A HAMSTER KILLER!!" He accused, jabbing a finger at the boy's chest.

"…" Shishido just stood there.

"LET'S HOLD A FUNERAL!!" Jiroh cried in between sobs.

"OKAY."

Oshitari didn't bother, he was too engrossed in a book. Shishido envied him. Damn him.

"Choutaro…can we just walk back slowly and then run off as soon as I say run?" Shishido mumbled.

"Y-yes sir!" Choutaro backed away just like Shishido had. When they got far enough, they ran off screaming. Well, maybe with no screaming.

* * *

"And so, Hamie-poo the third from the Hammie tribe died a tragic death." Gakuto sighed, closing his notebook much like he was actually reading it. "I thank all of you for coming."

Jiroh sobbed on Kabaji, who in return didn't do anything.

"Now we shall bury him. You may see his dead little body for one last time."

Suddenly, the door slammed open. "ORE-SAMA DEMANDS A MEANING FOR THIS!!" He bellowed.

"Please quiet down sir, we are holding a funeral." Mukahi replied in a somewhat logical manner.

"Oh? Did Shishido seriously kill himself off like he said he was?" Atobe questioned, crossing his arms.

"Nah. It's my sister's hamster, Hamie-Poo." Gakuto shrugged, tossing his notebook randomly on the floor.

"…"

"Atobe, why do you look so mad?" The red head asked curiously, cocking his head to a side.

"…"

"Why are you coming at me so dangerously?" Mukahi was starting to get frightened.

Atobe continued to walk towards the red head.

"And why do you have that rope?"

"POOR HAMIE-POO!!" Jiroh screamed randomly in between.

Gakuto screamed. There were dangerous sounds of crashing chairs.

* * *

"Hey Shishido-san, do you think I should get number 5 or 7?" Ootori asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Get 7. I'll get five. If you don't like seven, we can just trade." Shishido answered, pulling out his wallet.

"Thanks for treating me to lunch, Shishido-san."

"No problem, Choutaro."

With that said, the Silver pair of Hyoutei gave each other a "yes-we-so-pwn-you-in-yaoi-terms" look.

* * *

"Atobe…" Oshitari stared in somewhat amusement. "Why is Gakuto tied up on a pole on the roof?"

"Well, Mukahi likes bungee jumping, so Ore-sama is tying him up on the roof." Atobe announced glamorously, not wanting to say that he actually ripped this idea off of our dearest school RIKKAIDAI.

"…May I go home now?" The tensai asked, not caring for his doubles partner one bit.

"Yes, you may Oshitari." Atobe answered, still looking at his beautiful handiwork.

Oshitari decided to get some aspirin first. Off to Rikkaidai now! Jackal seemed to have opened an aspirin shop! (Selling somewhat-illegal drugs?)

"I'M COLD! LET ME DOWN!!"

"I will certainly _not_, Mukahi."

"THERE'S A BIRD COMING MY WAY!!"

"Atobe, can I bury Hamie-Poo?" Jiroh asked, red eyed from sniffling.

"Of cou—"

"THE BIRD IS ON MY HEAD!! AHHHH!!"

"As Ore-sama was saying—"

"GET IT OFF! IT'S PECKING MY HEAD!!"

"YES YOU CAN, JIROH." Atobe bellowed, pushing the blond away.

"Thanks, 'Tobe-chaaan." Jiroh yawned.

"GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!" Screamed Gakuto. "AHHH! IT'S HURTING MY BRAIN!!"

"Ore-sama shall go with you, Jiroh."

Jiroh didn't reply, he fell asleep on the box containing a dead hamster. Yuck.

* * *

"Jackal, why do you look so suspicious with that big leather jacket? Why do you wear sunglasses? WHY ARE YOU SELLING ASPIRIN?!" Marui asked in a somewhat innocent tone before shaking his doubles partner like there's no tomorrow.

"Uh…" Crap! Busted!! Jackal panicked from the inside.

* * *

:D I love Sasuke's Kimi Monogatari. You should listen to it on YouTube! It's really good!!

I apologize for the stupidity of this chapter. I really should color my ten page art report thingy, but my tablet broke!! –sobs-

Anyway, have a fabulous Atobe birthday!! And you can say a happy birthday for my (now deceased) mama's boy hamster! (Whose name is NOT Hamie-Poo.)

**EDIT**

Oh yes, I forgot to mention:

**NEXT BIRTHDAY STORY: OCTOBER 7TH, TEZUKA KUNIMITSU. **(Yes, I will write him a story like I did last year.)


	3. Three: Tezuka

**Uh...I kinda...didn't post this until today...don't hurt me...**

**Uh. SIS. HERE'S YOUR STORY!! I'M SORRY THIS ISN'T MINE AND THANKS FOR IT. -sobs-**

Since suggested by my sister herself, here's the title: Kirihara's magical Time at Tezuka's (Aw, comeon sis! It's not...happy enough. -shot-)

Tezuka was having a pretty peaceful day. Well besides the rabid fan girls attacking him with presents, screaming "WE LOVE YOU MITSU-CHAN. MARRY US!" Well, that's pretty normal, right? Well, the normal just decided to up and disappear like whenever Tachibana decides to cook for Fudomine. Yes, it disappeared that fast people. Believe it as Naruto would say. Once Tezuka got home there was a big package near his front door. Tezuka, not letting his guard down, walked over to the package. That big random package just happened to say "To: Tezuka Kunimitsu." Well, Tezuka let his guard down for all of 10.583 seconds and opened the package. Out jumped our little adorable demon, Akaya Kirihara!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEZUKA," Akaya shouted. Tezuka did nothing but stand there and let his eye twitch. Akaya bounced over to Tezuka and gave him one of those "OH MY GOD MOMMY I MISSED YOU WHILE I WAS KIDNAPPED," hugs. Tezuka, trying to keep his cool, gently tried to push Akaya away. Akaya still clung to Tezuka like a leech. Tezuka was loosing his cool pretty quick considering he's Tezuka. Akaya was, well, being too cute for words. I mean yeah compare him to a blood sucking leech and then picture it the size of Akaya then picture it on Tezuka. Pretty cute, right? Anyway, Tezuka shoved Akaya as hard as he could. Well, that didn't work, and that shove was hard enough to send Tezuka and Akaya flying. Tezuka landed on top of Akaya and Akaya was still hugging Tezuka. Some random yaoi fan girls ran up to them and took pictures. Smooth, Tezuka, very smooth. Tezuka rolled over to his side with the leech like Akaya still on him.

"Kirihara, please get off me," Tezuka said as calmly as possible.

"No, you're MY Tezzie," Akaya said, pouting. Oh the things Tezuka would do to get this brat, I mean, innocent child, off him. Tezuka let out a sigh.

"Kirihara, I'll give you," Tezuka thought for 6.353 seconds,"candy if you get off me." Akaya got off Tezuka faster than you can say "Demon Brat 2000". Tezuka gets off the ground like an old man and brushes himself off. Tezuka went inside his house and got Akaya a chocolate bar that was possibly sitting there for six or seven years. Who knows.

"Yay, candy!" Akaya exclaimed. Akaya ran off to Rikkai to rub it in Ball of fat, I mean, Marui's face that he has candy. What a nice kid, am I right? Once our brat got to Rikkai and saw one of his favorite senpai's who, uh, you know, has that eating problem, he ran up to him and said, "HA, SENPAI! I HAVE CANDY AND YOU DON'T!" That wasn't the best thing in the world to say to Marui because our fat senpai's parents just randomly put him on a diet.

"Akaya, I HATE YOU," Marui screamed at the top of his girly lungs. Akaya started to wail like a, dare I say, two year old. He threw the candy bar at Marui's face and ran off. Akaya, wanting to be his normal self, ran to his Mura Mommy, er, Mura Buchou, and exclaimed, "Marui-senpai stole my candy bar!" Yukimura was not pleased with what he heard. Wait scratch that, he just didn't want to deal with Akaya at the moment. Yukimura went to go yell at Marui, but Marui was on the ground clutching his stomach, screaming for his mommy. Niou just stood there and laughed at him and Yukimura was happy he didn't have to tell that ball of fat not to steal candy from little kids.

"Akaya, where did you get that candy bar?" Marui sobbed.

"Tezuka," Akaya said oh-so-innocently. Tezuka sneezed.


End file.
